fearless: Everyone I know goes away in the end (Goes Away)

So I spent all day coding this theme and when I say all, I mean all.. well mostly. I think I started around noon and was semi-distracted by other things, but still, it took quite a bit because I’m super picky, but I really do like how it turned out. Sure, it’s simple, but I find that now a days I am enjoying simple much more than I did before. It’s not a bad thing I don’t think, I suppose it could be worse, but still, simple seems to suit me. I am still tweaking the damn Flickr stream– for some reason, despite all my efforts the borders refuse to show, but other than that I am pleased with it. I also managed to get all of my pages fixed and turned off comments on them, which I’ve been meaning to do, but have been much too lazy. I also removed my portfolio, mostly because I found I didn’t really update it so there was no point in having it there. Maybe one day when my creativity returns once more and not in spurts as it tends to do.

I had the past week off from week as a means to just recover. I have been so burnt out and I really needed to just take some time to refresh. I’m sad that it went by so quickly, but I did my best to not over exert myself. I still need to clean the house which I fully intend on doing tomorrow (no excuses damnit!) and then I think my funk, well at least I hope my funk will be over. For the most part a lot of those I know have experienced it and I’m not sure why. It seems to have caught on like the fucking flu which thankfully I have never had. Instead I just sink into bouts of depression that threaten to claim my sanity and I wonder if one day I will be able to fight my way back from the edge. G-d, I sound morbid.

Last weekend was my sister-in-law’s reception in San Diego. I would say I enjoyed myself, but to be honest, it was a bit drab. It was nice to catch up with old friends, but the reception itself was lame. I actually ended up crawling into bed at about 8:00 because I was bored out of my mind. Is that mean to say? Lol. She looked gorgeous and it was good to see her, but I don’t think I would have shed a tear if I had missed it, though if I had then we would not have had such a great laugh at the expense of Robby’s aunt who thinks she knows everything. No one can stand her, I mean NO ONE. She sticks her nose where it doesn’t belong and it drives everyone crazy. Case and point: my mother-in-law tells me Sunday morning that Helen said, “Angie was really flirting with Robby’s friend.” I look at her and say, “What the fuck?” and she laughs and says, “Brion!” To which we all start cracking up. Why you ask? Because Brion is gay. We all love him to pieces and all giggle like girls with him, which coincidentally was exactly what we were doing when she said we were flirting. Of course when Robby’s mom told his aunt all she had to say was, “Ohhh, that’s why.” What’s that saying again? When you make assumptions, you make an ass out of you and me, or in this case her. Retard. Lol.

In other news, I turned 24 on the 17th. I got a ton of Facebook wall messages, texts, and phone calls, to which I pretty much ignored. Don’t get me wrong I thanked everyone who wished me a happy birthday because it is appreciated, but I just don’t get excited about my birthday. I despise getting treated extra special one day of the year when in all honesty, everyone should be treated extra special every day of the year because tomorrow is not promised. You never know when you will wake up and the people you love will no longer be there so rather than cherish them on one day of the year, cherish them always, life is too short for anything else. I know it’s probably a cynical way to look at it but I view it as realistic; though I’d rather be viewed as cynical than wake up and regret that I never took that extra step to tell those I love that I love and appreciate them. I never want to be that person with so much to say when its too late to say it. So if I leave you with anything tonight, it’s food for thought, love and appreciate those with you now, for once their gone, they may never know how much you did.

Mirrored from The QUEEN B {dot} NET.

fearless: Don't compromise yourself, you are all you've got. (All You've Got)
It is always so strange to have to come up with something significant to say in an introduction that should not be too wordy, yet should have just enough to draw readers in.

Even now, I have yet to find words that will make me appear at the very least eloquent, despite the fact that I am far from it. In any regard, I suppose the best place to start is with a name. Mine is Angelina, though I often go by Angel. I am a 23 year old Filipino/Black female that currently resides in Arizona with my husband of nearly 2 years and our 5 cats and 1 dog.

I am a Navy brat and was born in the Philippines but spent the majority of my life in California. When my dad retired from the military we moved to San Diego, which is where I met my husband. My husband and I moved out to Arizona almost 2 years ago when a job opportunity presented itself and thus we have been here ever since.

I am a true Aquarian, as i am very eccentric in my ways and in my living style. I enjoy my freedom and will rebel if I feel threatened by a restriction. I have the tendency to pick up many hobbies (usually all at once) as I love learning new things and I find that once I have learned something or feel I have learned all there is possible to learn about a subject, I get bored and tend to move on. My resume is a stunning reflection of this habit (bad, I know) yet I have not been able to find a job that could keep me for very long.

I am a very intelligent individual and often pick up and learn things faster then most. While I enjoy this trait about myself, as it does come in handy, it is also a disadvantage especially where work is concerned, as if I am not continually challenged, I often get bored so I will either get into trouble (not intentionally) or I will move on to another job that I want to try and master. I doubt that this is something I will ever be able to overcome, however I do believe if I find a job that continually challenges me and pushes me, I won't run into the problems I spoke of above.

It is because of this that I have decided that my ultimate ambition is to work for a non-profit organization, particularly with orphans. While I am much too empathetic to be a social worker, I believe that I will still find emotional satisfaction in a management  position for non-profit organizations dealing with orphans. It is because of this realization that I am currently pursuing a Bachelor's of Science in Human Services Management. Ultimately, I would love to adopt one child, preferably a pre-teen as it has always been my ambition to provide a home and a place to belong for a child who may not have one.

As I continue a new journal which will document my struggles, triumphants, and success, the two things I hope to learn about myself is that I am a deserving individual regardless of past mistakes. I must learn to love myself so that others in turn can truly and fully love me-- because while they may love me now, they love what I want them to love and not the whole of me.  I hope that eventually as time goes on, my walls will start to disappear and I will stop feeling a need to protect people from what I feel will cause them to run in the opposite direction. I have to trust that regardless of what they may learn they'll still love me for me.

May 2010

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