Jan. 18th, 2010

fearless: Narcissim is about looking in the mirror and going, G-d I'd like to have sex with myself. (Narcissism)

Those close to me know me as the woman who will tell you exactly what I think, despite the fact that some may perceive my comments as mean or unkind. Those who are close to me also know that this is how I show I care. What I say, despite the fact that it may hurt is never done intentionally, rather in a way to ensure that you are capable of viewing certain truths (let’s face it most of the time we’re blind to them) that you’ve chosen to ignore or just aren’t capable of seeing. In the same regard, I expect the same from those I consider friends and those I am close to. I would never want anyone to feel that they need to sugar coat or “protect” me from what is true. I need to be able to rely on my friends and family to tell me what the deal is, regardless of how it hurts because it’s the only way I can ensure any decisions I have to make are based on fact and that I grow as a person. The problem with this outlook is that those who aren’t capable of understanding the reasons behind my attitude often label me as a bitch– which to be honest, I don’t actually care about. I’d rather be a bitch than the person who told you something to make you feel better, when really the best thing for you and everyone involved was for you to hear what most refused to tell you. So hey, call me a cold-hearted bitch, it doesn’t effect my sleep any, in fact, baring the manbeast in my bed who snores like no other, I sleep quite fine. ;)

Yesterday was the last day of my ethics course, which let me just say thank G-d! Seriously. I bullshitted my way through that entire course because the material was all fluff. I had a final due last night that presupposed that I lived in a racialized community (I don’t) and made the paper exceedingly difficult to write. Thankfully, I’m a good bullshitter and managed to pull 100% out of my ass, which meant I aced the class. Now I am currently in week two of the class from hell (Fundamentals of Programming with Algorithms and Logic) which I’m hoping I do much better on this time around. So far I have a 100% in the class, but that could change depending on how well or how terribly this week’s assignments go. Though on a better note, I am finally utilizing Outlook’s calendar and have started to put my assignments on there to ensure that I have no excuse for turning anything in late. Now let’s help I can stick with it and pass the class with at least a C. I’d say B, but I think that’s a bit optimistic, lol. We’ll see though.

I haven’t been feeling very much like myself lately and I’m not sure why. I’ve been pretty down the past few days and Robby has been worried about my mental state. I wish I knew what the deal was because it’s frustrating when he asks what’s wrong and the only answer I have for him is an “I don’t know”. Hopefully, it’s just the hormones throwing me out of walk and I’ll be able to regain my footing within the next few days. I really am over the depressive episodes, even if it gives me a reason to watch Friends as that seems to make me feel slightly better. Blah, we’ll see I suppose.

Alright speaking of Friends, I think I’m going to watch some as I haven’t watched any all day. Our DVD player has been in PMS mode so I’m going to watch it out in the loft. Hopefully, the next time I blog, I won’t be so bloody drab. :tumbleweed:

Mirrored from The QUEEN B {dot} NET.

May 2010

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