fearless: (Happy Dance)

The majority of my entries will be semi-public.  The rest of the entries will be placed under a filter depending on the subject.  If you are interested or even insistent on friending me-- the best advice I have for you is to read the following:

Everything I am is everything I was taught to be... )
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I decided rather then having to put a sticky on a bunch of entries the most optimal thing to do was to create a single entry with links to specific entries that I felt my reader's should pay the most attention to. This will ensure easy accessibility and no excuses as to why any policies on my journal are being ignored. This will be continually updated with any entries I feel are beneficial for those who choose to read my journal.

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fearless: What would you do if you know you could not fail? (Could Not Fail)
So I know it's been awhile since I've actually posted something to this blog that didn't consist of a cross post from my domain, but if I'm perfectly honest, the need to censor myself is no longer something that I crave, nor need.

A few weeks ago I realized that I had lost the person I truly was and often felt the need to use euphemisms in an attempt to dumb down the harsh effects my true feelings and thoughts often elicited and realized that by doing so I was not being true to myself.  So as an attempt to get back to being the girl that I am and the one that so many fall in love with, I stopped being so nice (so to speak) and unleashed the bitch (which is usually what I'm labeled).

I can't say that I'm sorry for doing so either because when it boils right down to it, society is now filled with too many people who were hand held through life and as a result are incompetent fuck ups (usually) who can't take the slightest hint of constructive criticism because it's just too mean.

Grow up, develop some thick skin and realize that not everyone is going to like you, not everyone is going to be all sugar, sweet, and rainbows.  This is the real world, buckle up, grin and bear it, or for the love of all things realistic, get the fuck out of the way.
fearless: (pic#430643)

I’m surprised at how many comments I got in my last entry and even more surprised at how many people actually read my blog! In any event, thank you fall for the feedback and I hope that it allowed you to think more about your reasons for blogging and hopefully remind you all that it’s not the amount of comments or readers that makes a blog; rather its how it helps you to grow as an individual.

I had what I thought was exciting news earlier today which turned into crappy news, as I realized that I had screwed up the test and therefore the small percentage of it being positive was thrown out the window. :( In any event for a brief period I thought that I could really be pregnant as the test had done something I’d never seen it do. It wasn’t a straight confirmation but there was a slight blue in the positive window, however I didn’t exactly have enough urine so I couldn’t really be sure. My period has been really odd this month, if it can even be called that. When I thought I had started I grabbed a tampon as per usual and that was that. However when I went to change the tampon, there wasn’t much on it and a few days later, not much either, except a slight brownish discharge which for all intents and purposes could only be considered spotting.

It’s been a little over a week since that point and still nothing. I had taken tests previously, however they had all turned up negatively, so when I took the test today I had a good reason to assume it was in fact positive– that is until I took another test with more urine to give which came up negative, so my hopes were dashed and I am left once again thinking I just don’t have the ability to conceive. I know it’s premature as Robby and I haven’t really been trying, but still it hurts and it worries me. I can’t lie and say it doesn’t because it really does. I just hope Aunt Flo comes knocking soon so I can get it over with and move on with this month.

In other news, I am now the proud owner of a Macbook. It’s taking some getting used to and there are a few features I do not like (for instance needing to have an App to make sure the apps I want to uninstall are fully uninstalled) or the fact that I am having issues seeing other computers on our wireless network. Other then that I don’t mind it. I’m using it for the reason I got it, but I don’t think I’ll ever been a true Mac convert. I still prefer PCs and Windows hands down.

Well I suppose I’m off to figure out what I intend on doing for my 52 Weeks picture (today is the last day for the week) and I should probably work on my homework. I’m not at all in the mood to do it, but unfortunately it’s not like I have much of a choice in the matter. *sigh*

Mirrored from The QUEEN B {dot} NET.

fearless: (pic#430643)

It’s funny to think that blogging is supposed to be something that’s used as a release, a place that you can go to get your thoughts out without having to deal with consequences; yet given how much the internet has evolved and how much things have changed, a lot of people have started to believe that’s hardly the case. Take for instance my good friend, Whitters who seems to have lost her mojo for blogging. Part of it I think falls a lot on people’s perception that a good blog is a blog that attracts visitors, has at least 2 or 3 comments on every blog entry, and is a name that’s been heard before. Truth of the matter is, for me, that’s not the definition of a good blog. The definition of a good blog is a blog that incites passion and connection. One that allows the writer to directly connect with her or his readers by the words that are written and the feelings they evoke. More often then not I end up leaving a blog because it’s become too commercial so to speak and the writer has gotten lost in what they feel they’re supposed to be.

I don’t have a large following and I will admit that at one point that bothered me, but now I realize that my blog isn’t here to entertain the masses; it’s meant for me, no one else. And while I enjoy feedback and comments or discussion amongst the few who read my blog, I think I would be perfectly content to continue writing even if I didn’t have that incentive. This is my home, a place where I go when it’s too much to speak and written word is my only means of releasing what I’m incapable of saying outloud. It’s my place of self reflection, discovery, and inspiration. I will look back on my entries a year from now and realize how much I’ve grown, how much I’ve changed and draw from that knowledge to continue with my life in a means that will benefit me best– I think a lot of people forget that and that’s why a lot of people in the blogging environment get lost or disinterested.

What I ask for the few of you who read this is to step back and evaluate the real reason you have a blog and why you blog. What motivates you to sit down, login to Wordpress (or whichever platform you use) and start writing? Is it because you have a large reader base who will grow disappointed if you don’t blog? Is it because you need an escape, a place to call your own? What has blogging done to benefit you as a person? How has it changed your life or has it even changed your life? When you’re able to sit down and answer these questions honestly and without rationality; then perhaps you can discover the true reason you write, and determine if it is because it’s self satisfying or if it’s because it’s completely superficial. Personally, if I had to choose– I’d hope that my true reasons weren’t for the superficial, but for the real connections that so few make in the online environment because I know, even if I have never met you or may never meet you, I can only hope that you’re touched or at the very least inspired by that which I give so freely: my heart.

Mirrored from The QUEEN B {dot} NET.

fearless: (pic#430643)

I was actually inspired to do something like this by Cole’s post and wanted to do something similar. So the following list is twenty things you don’t know about me. Enjoy.

  1. I do not like brownies, chocolate cake, or chocolate ice cream.
  2. I would never bungee jump, but I would skydive.
  3. I have been in love a total of 3 times.
  4. Prior to meeting Robby, I only had one serious relationship.
  5. While I appreciate and enjoy romantic gestures (flowers, etc), I don’t expect them or find them necessary.
  6. In the midst of planning my wedding, I decided the stress wasn’t worth it and spontaneously decided on a courthouse ceremony.
  7. I typically go through the day eating only one solid meal, because I snack the rest of the time.
  8. I have very sensitive taste buds; I can taste what most cannot.
  9. I was nearly raped as a child; the girl next door saved me by looking for her playmate.
  10. I have a half brother whom I’ve never met.
  11. I didn’t start using tampons until after I lost my virginity.
  12. I wasn’t aware of how large my chest was for my body type until my senior year of high school; though others had pointed it out before.
  13. I attempted suicide when I was 18 years old. My little sister saved me.
  14. Growing up, I used to be terrified of going to hell; now I don’t believe in it.
  15. I was self conscious about my height until I was a junior in high school.
  16. One of my greatest fears is losing a sister.
  17. I often put my well being behind those that I love.
  18. I want to adopt a pre-teen child because everyone should have a place to belong.
  19. I believe in full disclosure and intend on raising my kids under that belief. Robby feels the same.
  20. I didn’t start drinking until I was nineteen years of age.

What are twenty things about you that your readers don’t know?

Mirrored from The QUEEN B {dot} NET.

fearless: (pic#430643)

I’ve been feeling pretty frustrated for some reason, though I’m not sure why. I think it’s sheer frustration that I had done so well on getting out of the funk that had over come me in January and February, that the fact its back just makes me want to scream. I have not been quite this bad before and it’s taking its toll. Usually, I go months before succumbing to the need to re-energize but lately it’s been every few weeks. I think Robby and I just need to go someplace together sometime soon to get out of the house. I don’t mind being a homebody in the least, but I think it’s really starting to effect me and working at home really isn’t helping. I’m going to look at some places to check out in Sedona and plan a weekend getaway with Robby. I think that will help immensely.

So last Monday my class from hell ended and thanks to the help of Robby, I was able to barely pull a B-. When I say barely, I mean barely. 80.3%. I’m grateful though because it means my GPA didn’t tank which I figured it would, after that hell class. In any event I’m glad it’s over and at least one of the classes revolves more around what I’m interested in: image editing. I still have a bit of ways to go to complete my Bachelor’s but I feel like I’m finally making progress, now that I’m getting further into the core of my program. It’s actually very refreshing.

I’ve been watching a lot of shows lately– well, really just marathoning shows I own. I just got done with Bones and now I’m on to Charmed, as I never made it through the entire series. This is also how I know that my funk is coming back. I tend to focus my attention on TV shows and often avoid the internet; so for those who’ve noticed I haven’t been on AIM/MSN/YIM lately or haven’t been as talkative, that’s the reason. It has nothing to do with anyone just that I’m slipping into a funk and trying to get out. In any event, keep talking to me if you can. Even if I’m unresponsive. It will help.

Well I’m off to watch a little more Charmed and working on my homework. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully a better day.

Mirrored from The QUEEN B {dot} NET.

fearless: (pic#430643)

My morning did not start off well. Why you ask? Because my husband is a douche. Let me go on.

The first time this happened, I let it slide because it was the first time and well, shit happens. In any event let me preface this by saying my husband had decided to pick the most obnoxious sound as his alarm ringtone: a fucking rooster crowing (since when did we start living on a farm?)

Wednesdays-Friday I have to be up at 7 because I work from 8 until 10. He gets up around 6, which means that when his alarm clock goes off. I never hear the first one, but when he decides to start pressing snooze every time it goes off, I hear it each and every time, which means I’ve effectively lost my hour of sleep prior to getting up. Couple this with not sleeping well because I’m on an uncomfortable bed (his sleep apnea prevents us from sleeping in the same room, which makes this all the more worst, as you can determine how loud his alarm is) and it takes me awhile to sleep, I get about 4-5 hours of sleep at most. I can function off that if I have to, however I cannot function off 3 days of that.

In any event, his alarm finally stopped, but low and behold a few minutes later my alarm starts blaring at me. Obviously I’m annoyed and frustrated because this is the second time this has happened even though I’ve already talked to him about it.

After finally dragging myself out of bed, I go to my computer and start setting it up for work. Imagine my surprise when I hear, “Hi, baby.” That in itself sets me off. I ask, “You’re not going to work?” He responds, “I’m leaving in a few minutes.” So I say okay whatever. 2 minutes later, “Weasel is being really cute, come look.” I respond saying, “I don’t want to get up.” He counters with, “She’s being particularly cute.” I repeat, “I don’t want to get up.” So than he asks, “Where’s you camera.” I tilt my head and say, “Over there.” He says, “Where?” Now I’ve gone back to being annoyed, and say very pointedly and point my finger, “Over there.”

At this point he seems to be catching on that I am not happy because as he walks over he asks, “How are you feeling?” I say, “Annoyed.” He than ask, “Why are you annoyed?” I respond (with even venom in my voice to stop a black bear cold), “Your alarm.” At that point he mumbles, “Sorry” and proceeds to set up my camera. He walks over to take the picture and I try and tell him to put into one-shot mode because it’s currently set to remote/self-timer but he ignores me. Then he says, “Well, that’s not what I wanted.” To which I respond, “I tried to tell you to put it in one-shot mode.” He than snaps and says, “Well, how the fuck am I supposed to know what one-shot mode is?” I reply, “It takes one-shot.” He then stomps off into the bedroom and comes out a few seconds later with his phone. So at that point I’m annoyed and frustrated and ask him what he’s doing. He says, “Calling out of work.” My annoyance and level of pissiness rises, “What made you change your mind?” He responds, “I’m in a bad mood.” At that point I ignore him and let him do whatever the fuck he’s doing.

My level of irateness has increased considerably since I got up because a, I was once again woken up by his fucking alarm, after we’d had a discussion on it previously, and b, come to find out I was woken up for no fucking reasoning because he decides to call out on account of a bad mood.

So am I pissed? You bet your ass off I am– oh and the kicker, he’s sleeping again and I’m half tempted to set his fucking alarm to the G-ddamn rooster tone he’s chosen, hide it, and just let it go off until he gets out of bed. /rant

Mirrored from The QUEEN B {dot} NET.

fearless: People are particularly stupid today (Particularly Stupid)

I’m going to preface this blog by saying, when I woke up this morning I felt like crap– actually thinking about it, I still feel like crap. So when I received a comment from someone who’s website isn’t even legit, regarding Pit Bulls, that was completely ignorant and based on information that was hardly compromised of facts on my last blog which had no mention of my loveable Pit Bull Terrier, I was pretty upset.

I’m scared that the Pit bull requires a unique type of owner…these dogs, regardless of how ‘caring’ nevertheless have teeth, are still creatures with no moral principles and when they DO bite, won’t let go. As in all animals…some tend to be additional suseptable to instinctual habits and time and time once again, this breed tends to complete just that.

Therefore, this blog is going to be purely informational and factual, because quite frankly I’m tired of all the misconceptions people have about Pit Bulls because people, yes people decided to use them in a means that resulted in branding the breed as a dangerous dog. I cannot reiterate this enough: THAT IS COMPLETELY UNTRUE.

The American Pit Bull Terrier was the most popular family dog during the 20th century. So what happened? The wrong people realized that this breed is extremely loyal and eager to please (http://www.thetruthaboutpitbulls.com). Pit Bulls are actually quite loveable creatures, as long as they are raised to be so. The stigma they have is due entirely to owners who have used their loving, loyal, and eager to please nature in a manner that portrays them to be dangerous, terrifying dogs when in fact they are not.

When you hear people talking about Pit Bulls in the Pit Bull community, the most common term you’ll hear is responsible owner; because it is the owner that determines the temperament and mannerisms of the dog just as with any breed. The first thing people need to realize is that Pit Bulls are social creatures. They love to be around people and they can be destructive if they don’t get the proper exercise or attention. They love to chew; this I know through experience (yay to having to replace flip flops, lol), however this was my fault which I admit. She wasn’t getting enough exercise and as a result she got bored. This wasn’t her fault, it was our fault for not properly caring for her. We don’t blame her and neither should anyone else, because the fault as I’ve reiterated time and time again is on the owner, not on the breed.

The next most important thing to remember about Pit Bulls is to socialize them at an early age, this again, is something that you want to do with any breed. You want them to understand the importance of interacting with other animals, especially those smaller than them because they’re very energetic playful animals that aren’t quite aware of their size or strength and as a result if they’re not trained properly on how to approach a smaller animal, accidents can happen, as they attempt to play with the creature. But again they just want to play. They’re aren’t trying to be vicious or attack, they love to play, as evident by their exuberant, energetic nature (the video details this) and so does our little terrier. And on that note, as I stated previously they love people, children included, however they [the breed] can be a bit overwhelming and can sometimes bump or knock them [children] down in their haste to love and show affection. However, as with any other breed it is your responsible to ensure that you are watching your child(ren) when interacting with animals.

I could go on and on with a list of how the temperament of Pit Bulls and their mannerisms are a byproduct of their upbringing, however that would span across several blogs, so instead what I ask if that you educate yourself and make an informed decision, instead of succumbing to what the media portrays as they do not portray the whole story (when do they ever, really?). I used to be just as terrified and frightful of Pit Bulls (my dad still is), now I own one, and am quite proud of that fact. They are one of the sweetest breeds I have ever come to known and I hope, for those who believe the stigma placed on them by bad ownership, that this blog will in some way encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and learn something about a breed who’s touched me and quite a few others in so many ways.

List of Pit Bull Information Sites

Mirrored from The QUEEN B {dot} NET.

fearless: (pic#430643)

I’m going to preface this blog by saying, I’m tired. So if I start to ramble, please excuse my brain which is running on about 3 1/2 hours of sleep, though if I actually calculated, I’m sure would be much less. I had attempted a nap against my better judgment, however Robby decided to jump in bed with me, which effectively became my alarm clock, because Angel + snoring man bear does not equate to sleeping Angel. Oh well. Let’s hope that tonight I can crawl into bed at a decent hour despite my impromptu non-nap (though I have heard that power naps are actually quite good for you).

In any event, the events of the last few days have ranged from quite eventful to painfully drab, though I don’t suppose you can expect excitement each day right? One can hope. This weekend I picked up a new dSLR, after selling my beloved Canon Rebel XTi. Why the upgrade? Well, despite the fact that I’d lost all inspiration for awhile there, I decided (for some unknown reason) to crack open a book I’d purchased, The Digital Photography Book which inspired me to jump back into it. Secondly we had a $485ish credit with Best Buy, a $20 Reward Zone certificate and a gift card, so I only had to sale my camera for at least $350 to ensure that I had very minimal out of pocket cost (which turned out to be no out of pocket cost and $28 left over) to get the camera I had been lusting over for quite some time: the Canon EOS Digital Rebel T1i.

I’m not quite ready to upgrade to a more professional camera so to speak, therefore I decided that it was best just to upgrade within the same class. The specifications of the T1i are as follows:

15.1 MP CMOS sensor, up from 10 in my XTi
Full HD (1080p) movies (arguably not really, only shoots in 20fps in this mode)
High ISO up to 12800 for low-light conditions
3″ LCD, same as 5D
3.4fps with burst shooting up to (170 JPEGs max)
3.0” Clear View LCD with Live View mode
9-point AF system
DIGIC 4 image processor, makes for better noise reduction
EOS Integrated Cleaning System
EF/EF-S and EX Speedlite compatibility

A midnight bottle's going to ease my pain.Compared to my XTi, this was a considerably upgrade and it also meant no more running to grab my camera whenever I wanted to take video of the animals because they were doing something unbelievably cute. In any event I’m really pleased with the purchase and quite happy that the members of Ecstasy1 seem to be quite happy with our recent addition of the photography forums. I think I’m going to find good use for it and I hope that eventually, I’ll be much more confident and creative when it comes to my photography, specifically portraits because admittedly that’s where I am the weakest (the book is helping though!).

This week marks the last week of my class from hell. Right now I have an 80%, however my instructor has yet to grade the assignment I completed on Sunday, so it can either go up or down, depending on how well or how terribly I did. Robby is going to sit down and help me with my final to ensure that I will at the very least pass my class, because we all know I cannot afford to shell out $1,035 to retake it; ironically that would probably result in the selling of my new camera, lol. In any event the Ecstastians2 and I have planned a member chat for Saturday in which we are all going to get hammered on web cam (we’re celebrating the end of my perdition). It’ll be pretty amusing to say the least, I’m sure… though now that I’m thinking about it, AIM may not be feasible because I don’t think it allows video chat rooms. LAME. Ecstastians, quick help need suggestions fast! :lol: I’m sure I’ll think of something.

And to end this on a more uplifting note, there is talk of a Ecstasy meet up here at my place, late fall. Everything is still tentative, however people are actually considering it and this pleases me greatly. I think we’ll have a kick ass time and the best part? It’ll all be on video, thanks to my spiffy new camera. What’s that? What happens at Angel’s stays at Angel’s? Hmm, I think not. :giggle:

1. Oh come on really, you knew that shameless plug was coming.
2. A member or rather in this case members of Ecstasy

Mirrored from The QUEEN B {dot} NET.

fearless: (pic#430643)

Today is day one of the Curly Girl Method. I’m actually really pleased with the results!

On a side note, sorry for the out of focused portions. My camera automatically tracks my face, so when I was moving around it was trying to focus, but obviously failed when doing so, lol!

Mirrored from The QUEEN B {dot} NET.

fearless: People are particularly stupid today (Particularly Stupid)

I decided to switch back to the @Reply plugin as it seems those who commented where in favor of the @Reply and those in favor of the nested didn’t say a word in its defense, lol. I am still slowly getting the hang of CSS, though I think part of my problem is my creative juices have been sucked dry so it’s hard for me to think of how I want something styled and I just get frustrated and want to quit. On top of that it’s been pushed to the back burner until I finish my class. 2 more weeks left and I am free. On the upside my freak out on my previous post about turning in the wrong assignment, proved to be unnecessary as I still managed to keep my high C despite having posted it in the wrong format. In addition, Robby has been helping me a lot to make sure I pass and as long as I do well on this week’s assignments, I don’t think I will be as concerned about my final. Even still, I’m not done holding my breath until the case is over and I receive my final grade.

The other night when Robby and I were having sex, I actually put some effort into it and was so tired afterward. Thinking about it I realized just how lazy I had gotten with sex, lol. Before I would do things that would exhaust me and give him a break, for instance we’d do reverse cowgirl, but now I find I tend to favor positions where I have to do as little work as possible (doggie style, cowgirl, etc) and he’s responsible for doing all the thrusting. Now when I think about it that’s not far to him so I am going to try and make more of a conscious effort to spread the work equally. Wow, did I really just refer to sex as work? Lol. But in all seriousness, it really is unfair to me to expect him to do all the hard labor (so to speak) while I get a free walk in the part. Thinking on your sex life (especially for those in long term relationships), are there habits that you’ve picked up over the years which have changed the way you have sex?

I am finally getting back into the internet swing and bringing Ecstasy back up to where it used to be. I will admit that the past few months I have let the boards way to the wayside and if it wasn’t for Rochelle and her vigilance in keeping the boards running, I’d probably be on the verge of closing it (again, lol). I am grateful though that we have a great group of gals and guys that continue to visit each day and make it our little getaway from the stresses of real life. It’s nice to have a place I can run to whenever I just need to rant, vent or bitch about things going on in my life. It’s a relief to have that; it really is.

The work front, is slowly getting better. I say slowly because I’m still pretty angry about the whole hours thing. I did manage to recoup 6 of my lost hours so rather than working 21.5 hours a week, I am up to 27.5 hours and am usually able to pick up some shifts at night as chat coach. It’s still not even though because ideally I want to be at 40 hours, however the job search hasn’t produced any great results. It’s funny that whenever I’m not looking for a job, they’re everywhere to be found and yet when I am, I don’t even get a nibble. It’s so frustrating and there are days when I just want to pull my hair out. I hope, that the universe is just telling me I have to be patient and then something will come along that will work, but I’m a pessimist at heart, so that outlook never really suited me, lol.

I am also glad that I have such an amazing supervisor who stands up for me though. When I left for the my trip to San Diego, I had sent an e-mail saying I would cut my hours (I figured I could jump and all), well I received on e-mail on Monday, February 15th, saying these were my new hours and they were effective today. I ignored it as I had already made arrangements with her that I would not be in town and had my shifts covered and she approved my request to have my new shift begin Feb 22. Turns out she didn’t bother confirming this and when my sup tried to put in my request for my shifts to be changed she was advised they couldn’t approve it because those weren’t my hours. She had me forward the e-mail that said I could start my new schedule on the 22nd and told me told that the same girl who said I could wait to start my schedule, had told her she never said any such thing. WTF?! Seriously. Obviously she stood up for me and said that I would never do something like that and put the ticket on hold as they were attempting to code me as no call, no show– which meant I would have lost my job. So glad I have her on my side, lol.

Last weekend, Robby and I became the proud owners of two cute ferrets named Gucci and Jeezy, though I’ve taken to referring to them as Nibbler (Robby calls him Grouchy) and Cuddler. They are the sweetest things ever and we are so fortunate to have found them. Especially given the crap we had to go through with a crappy owner on Craigslist. We received an e-mail from someone who actually loves and cares about her pets, after I posted the following about crappy owner guy…

Read the rest of this entry » )

Mirrored from The QUEEN B {dot} NET.

fearless: Congratulations, you win the internet. (Internet Win)

As a matter of pure curiosity and also because I’m not one hundred percent positive I intend on keeping this feature, I wanted to know which you all prefer the native nested comments which Wordpress has or the @Reply plugin I had utilized prior? Why?

  • I prefer the nested comments feature native to Wordpress. (75%, 3 Votes)
  • I prefer the @Reply plugin you were utilizing. (25%, 1 Votes)

Total Voters: 4

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On another note, I think it’s time for me to go to sleep. It’s 6:07 in the morning and I cannot even begin to fathom why I am still awake. I have this feeling though that I won’t be able to fall asleep as easily as I’d like, so I may have to indulge in B.O.B1 for some assistance. G’nite!

1. See battery operated boyfriend

Mirrored from The QUEEN B {dot} NET.

fearless: Don't compromise yourself, you are all you've got. (All You've Got)

Before I begin my review, I have to make a note that I have experience with several phones which range from the standard flip phones, to European based phones, to Blackberrys, to iPhones and more. While I understand that everyone looks for different features when considering their phone, I tend to be highly picky with my phones, which almost resulted in my not purchasing the MyTouch to begin with.

Prior to purchasing the MyTouch or HTC Magic, I owned a 2g iPhone which by all accounts was a superior device to any device I had ever owned before. Though I discount the Blackberry as for me the iPhone and Blackberry are two completely different sets of tech and therefore I don’t view them as comparable.

In any event, I had an 2g iPhone jailbroken and unlocked on T-Mobile, which I found was an amazing phone; at least to begin with. I had no complaints whatsoever, the apps were decent, the phone while bulky was easy enough to get used to and it was a fun phone which was an nice change from my Blackberry Curve. The main problem I had with the iPhone was the slowness. This was particularly a problem whenever I was migrating from one screen to another and was evident whenever I went from the home screen to the text messaging screen (or any other screen for that matter), as there tended to be at least 2-3 seconds of a white screen before my messages appeared. Now it is possible I could have just had a crappy version of the phone, however Robby also experienced the same problem, though his seemed to be much worse. In addition it seemed as if the more applications you downloaded the slower the iPhone would become and I didn’t have very many applications, at least not compared to those around me who had iPhones.

I will say that the first time I tried the MyTouch which happened to be a few weeks ago when we were visiting San Diego, I was far from impressed. The screen was a lot smaller then my iPhone which was a turn off, I didn’t really like the controls on the phone (though now I love them) and I think I spent about 5 minutes, though if I’m honest with myself less, looking at the phone before deciding I wasn’t interested and moved on.

The reason I ended up purchasing a MyTouch was because of Robby and I’s decision to switch to a non-contracted plan with T-Mobile as it would have saved us a bit of money. Rather than being forced to shell out $400 for the phone we both decided we’d just do a partial upgrade, stay in our contract for another year and then migrate to the non-contract plan. After discussing this with him I spoke with Danika and told her I was considering getting the MyTouch and she told me everyone she worked with loved their’s, so I figured I should probably give it another and more reasonable shot. I did a bit of research on the web, read up on the phone and the reviews, and then Robby and I took a much better look at the phones.

One of the first things I noticed about the MyTouch is that it seems to be more application friendly both in how many it can handle (as you recall that was one of my biggest gripes about the iPhone) and also what the Android Market has to offer. Given that Apple had announced the removal of 5,000 applications from their app store due to explicit content (such as girls in bikinis) it only proved further that my decision to purchase the MyTouch was a well made one. The open source of the Android OS has great appeal to several individuals, including those like I who are far from being developers mostly because it gives us options. I don’t know call me an anarchist, but I never liked being told what I could and could not purchase or view for that matter. Then again, when I searched porn, sex, or adult on the Android market and get a list of various applications, I’ll be the first to admit, it completely made my day. And yes, if you have not yet deduced from my prior blog posts, I am somewhat of a freak, but that’s another story.

Moving on…

Read the rest of this entry »

Mirrored from The QUEEN B {dot} NET.

fearless: Congratulations, you win the internet. (Internet Win)

This is just a very brief post to satisfy my curiosity and determine how those who code their website freehand begin. So when you’re coding a new theme for your website (assuming you use Wordpress of course), what method do you utilize to sort things out in CSS and establish a base to progress from?

The reason I ask is because, while I am starting to get the gists of CSS, once I start to code freehand, I get a bit overwhelmed so I’m trying to look for suggestions or tips as to how to go about constructing a theme without having a nervous breakdown because I’ve lost the direction I was attempting to head in. Ideas, suggestions, comments? Highly appreciated and needed. Thanks!

Also on a very brief note, my next blog will be a review on my new phone, the MyTouch.

Mirrored from The QUEEN B {dot} NET.

fearless: The official president of people with crappy lives (Crappy Life)

Last night was probably one of the crappiest nights of my life. I’m currently taking Fundamentals in Programming Using Algorithms and Logic and I’m not doing that great. Currently I have a C+ which for those who know me, is crap in my eyes. This class though, has been the hardest class I’ve had to take and as a result this is the second time I am taking it. Anyway, last night I was completing the homework assignment that was due (a peer review) when I happened to re-read the syllabus and realized that the assignment I turned in last Sunday, I had turned in incorrectly. I was supposed to post it in my individual forum as an attachment, however for some reason I goofed and posted it as post. This is a 90 point assignment. I resubmitted the assignment as an attachment last night; however if the instructor chooses to dock me on points (which I would understand if he did) the assignment would be 3 days late and I have no idea what points I would be entitled. If that is the case, it will drop my grade significantly, which means I will have to earn as many points if not all the points on my upcoming assignments to pass the class.

My biggest concern is the final, as it is worth 250 points. I’m afraid I’m going to fuck up royally on that and as a result fail the course and have to dish out $1,035 to retake it. I had a break down after the fact, went into the bedroom and cried. Robby sought me out and consoled me and we talked about a lot of things. One of which was that we were going to sit down on Saturday and work through my final, second of which is to get more serious about blogging and freelance writing so I can bring in a bit more money for us and eventually, hopefully start doing some product reviews like Jenn. I found out today that we are no longer allowed to jump (work when they’re busy and need extra people) so my decision to cut my hours to 20 hours to avoid having to work until 8:00pm, has backfired and as a result, the only way I can make up the hours is by picking up shifts. There are a few people who are willing to let me do this, however I’m not sure how long that will last once they see their paychecks. It’s frustrating and as a result I am frantically looking for a job that will work, given our situation. For the most part I have given up on the at home jobs as it seems the pay isn’t substantial enough to sacrifice a commute for (at least not until Robby starts making more money). In addition my working in town would mean that Robby and I can carpool which means it won’t take him as long to get to work or as long to get home– though that in itself is a problem. We only have one vehicle so I am limited to jobs around where he works, that are based around the same hours. It’s frustrating to say the least but I’m not giving up!

I have also decided to get more serious about web and graphic design. Years ago it was my passion. Now? I’m lucky if I open Photoshop within the month. I am determined though to see this through. I’m currently relearning CSS with the help of Whitters, who has been so kind to elaborate and explain what I do not understand. I am actually surprised at how quickly I’m grasping it; though that’s all in theory. We’ll see how it goes when I’m actually coding a Wordpress theme by hand without referencing other site’s coding as examples. :lol:

Next on my list is PHP. I bought a book before we moved out here because I wanted to learn but have only picked it up once or twice, if that. I know it’s bad but I get so easily discouraged as I am so used to picking up on things rather easily that when I am not able to do so within a few tries, I give up. It’s a bad philosophy which I am attempting to change and given my new found attitude I think I will be successful. So my list of things to do and hopefully I will have accomplished some or at least started some by the next time I blog:

  • Relearn CSS
  • Design and code a Wordpress theme freehand
  • Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator- use them, damnit!
  • Learn PHP

And most importantly… pass my fucking class. *facepalm*

Mirrored from The QUEEN B {dot} NET.

fearless: Everyone I know goes away in the end (Goes Away)

So I spent all day coding this theme and when I say all, I mean all.. well mostly. I think I started around noon and was semi-distracted by other things, but still, it took quite a bit because I’m super picky, but I really do like how it turned out. Sure, it’s simple, but I find that now a days I am enjoying simple much more than I did before. It’s not a bad thing I don’t think, I suppose it could be worse, but still, simple seems to suit me. I am still tweaking the damn Flickr stream– for some reason, despite all my efforts the borders refuse to show, but other than that I am pleased with it. I also managed to get all of my pages fixed and turned off comments on them, which I’ve been meaning to do, but have been much too lazy. I also removed my portfolio, mostly because I found I didn’t really update it so there was no point in having it there. Maybe one day when my creativity returns once more and not in spurts as it tends to do.

I had the past week off from week as a means to just recover. I have been so burnt out and I really needed to just take some time to refresh. I’m sad that it went by so quickly, but I did my best to not over exert myself. I still need to clean the house which I fully intend on doing tomorrow (no excuses damnit!) and then I think my funk, well at least I hope my funk will be over. For the most part a lot of those I know have experienced it and I’m not sure why. It seems to have caught on like the fucking flu which thankfully I have never had. Instead I just sink into bouts of depression that threaten to claim my sanity and I wonder if one day I will be able to fight my way back from the edge. G-d, I sound morbid.

Last weekend was my sister-in-law’s reception in San Diego. I would say I enjoyed myself, but to be honest, it was a bit drab. It was nice to catch up with old friends, but the reception itself was lame. I actually ended up crawling into bed at about 8:00 because I was bored out of my mind. Is that mean to say? Lol. She looked gorgeous and it was good to see her, but I don’t think I would have shed a tear if I had missed it, though if I had then we would not have had such a great laugh at the expense of Robby’s aunt who thinks she knows everything. No one can stand her, I mean NO ONE. She sticks her nose where it doesn’t belong and it drives everyone crazy. Case and point: my mother-in-law tells me Sunday morning that Helen said, “Angie was really flirting with Robby’s friend.” I look at her and say, “What the fuck?” and she laughs and says, “Brion!” To which we all start cracking up. Why you ask? Because Brion is gay. We all love him to pieces and all giggle like girls with him, which coincidentally was exactly what we were doing when she said we were flirting. Of course when Robby’s mom told his aunt all she had to say was, “Ohhh, that’s why.” What’s that saying again? When you make assumptions, you make an ass out of you and me, or in this case her. Retard. Lol.

In other news, I turned 24 on the 17th. I got a ton of Facebook wall messages, texts, and phone calls, to which I pretty much ignored. Don’t get me wrong I thanked everyone who wished me a happy birthday because it is appreciated, but I just don’t get excited about my birthday. I despise getting treated extra special one day of the year when in all honesty, everyone should be treated extra special every day of the year because tomorrow is not promised. You never know when you will wake up and the people you love will no longer be there so rather than cherish them on one day of the year, cherish them always, life is too short for anything else. I know it’s probably a cynical way to look at it but I view it as realistic; though I’d rather be viewed as cynical than wake up and regret that I never took that extra step to tell those I love that I love and appreciate them. I never want to be that person with so much to say when its too late to say it. So if I leave you with anything tonight, it’s food for thought, love and appreciate those with you now, for once their gone, they may never know how much you did.

Mirrored from The QUEEN B {dot} NET.

fearless: Narcissim is about looking in the mirror and going, G-d I'd like to have sex with myself. (Narcissism)

Those close to me know me as the woman who will tell you exactly what I think, despite the fact that some may perceive my comments as mean or unkind. Those who are close to me also know that this is how I show I care. What I say, despite the fact that it may hurt is never done intentionally, rather in a way to ensure that you are capable of viewing certain truths (let’s face it most of the time we’re blind to them) that you’ve chosen to ignore or just aren’t capable of seeing. In the same regard, I expect the same from those I consider friends and those I am close to. I would never want anyone to feel that they need to sugar coat or “protect” me from what is true. I need to be able to rely on my friends and family to tell me what the deal is, regardless of how it hurts because it’s the only way I can ensure any decisions I have to make are based on fact and that I grow as a person. The problem with this outlook is that those who aren’t capable of understanding the reasons behind my attitude often label me as a bitch– which to be honest, I don’t actually care about. I’d rather be a bitch than the person who told you something to make you feel better, when really the best thing for you and everyone involved was for you to hear what most refused to tell you. So hey, call me a cold-hearted bitch, it doesn’t effect my sleep any, in fact, baring the manbeast in my bed who snores like no other, I sleep quite fine. ;)

Yesterday was the last day of my ethics course, which let me just say thank G-d! Seriously. I bullshitted my way through that entire course because the material was all fluff. I had a final due last night that presupposed that I lived in a racialized community (I don’t) and made the paper exceedingly difficult to write. Thankfully, I’m a good bullshitter and managed to pull 100% out of my ass, which meant I aced the class. Now I am currently in week two of the class from hell (Fundamentals of Programming with Algorithms and Logic) which I’m hoping I do much better on this time around. So far I have a 100% in the class, but that could change depending on how well or how terribly this week’s assignments go. Though on a better note, I am finally utilizing Outlook’s calendar and have started to put my assignments on there to ensure that I have no excuse for turning anything in late. Now let’s help I can stick with it and pass the class with at least a C. I’d say B, but I think that’s a bit optimistic, lol. We’ll see though.

I haven’t been feeling very much like myself lately and I’m not sure why. I’ve been pretty down the past few days and Robby has been worried about my mental state. I wish I knew what the deal was because it’s frustrating when he asks what’s wrong and the only answer I have for him is an “I don’t know”. Hopefully, it’s just the hormones throwing me out of walk and I’ll be able to regain my footing within the next few days. I really am over the depressive episodes, even if it gives me a reason to watch Friends as that seems to make me feel slightly better. Blah, we’ll see I suppose.

Alright speaking of Friends, I think I’m going to watch some as I haven’t watched any all day. Our DVD player has been in PMS mode so I’m going to watch it out in the loft. Hopefully, the next time I blog, I won’t be so bloody drab. :tumbleweed:

Mirrored from The QUEEN B {dot} NET.

fearless: (pic#430643)

Mirrored from The QUEEN B {dot} NET.

fearless: Bills, bills, bills (Bills)

One of my resolutions this year (as you all know) is to try and pay off our credit card bills. We aren’t swimming in them up to our eyeballs but it’s still something I think that if we did not have would be a huge relief for us, while also ensuring that the money we are spending each month towards those bills goes into our savings. I’ve been pretty resistant to using my personal blog as a means to earn income because I know some people have problems with that, but then I got to thinking, why should I care? It’s my blog after all. My readers, the few that I have, I hope would understand and respect that, especially if I happen to have a clear indication that it is in fact a paid blog post by the categories I use. I suppose in some ways I’ve just been scared that the little viewership I have will be depleted completely if I started to use my site as a means to earn some income which I do not understand why people are so opposed to, especially if the reviews are truthful. I know it’s silly all things considered, but I don’t want to lose my viewership despite the fact that the extra income could go a long way. What are your thoughts on paid blogging? Would you be opposed to coming to my blog if I started to use it occasionally for paid blogging despite the fact that I would have the post categorized in a means that it is easy to identify? Why or why not?

On an unrelated, though partially related note, my new Dell Studio 9000 XPS arrived yesterday, however funnily enough according to Dell support, has not yet been shipped and is still in production. See for yourself:

I know, it’s pretty freaking ridiculous and I bet if I were to call right now, I would be told that the item is either waiting to be shipped out (I was told this twice, prior to my order arriving) or still in production (also told this twice). If I wanted I could probably get away with having them send me another, however I’m paranoid and don’t want to get stuck paying for two XPSes if I do happen to get caught. In any event I’m still in the process of trying to get everything moved over and configured and I’m also waiting on the ram that we purchased from Best Buy and will be ordering a better power supply on Friday so I can stick in the other drive I have, as my current power supply only supports 3 SATA hard drives, which is BEYOND frustrating, but it’s okay, minor delay and easily fixed– well mostly.

/end geek spiel (mostly ;) )

After thinking about it and talking to Jenn about it, I decided that rather then let WishfulDrinking.org expire, I’m going to instead convert it another blog I can use to earn some income off of. I’m pretty excited about it because I think I’m also going to maintain it by posting yummy recipes that touch on liqueurs both in dessert treats and plain old fashioned yummy drinks. Let’s add that to the bizillion other projects I still have yet to sort out and complete and my life just became doubly complicated if even more so. I’m pretty content about my decision though because I think it will be fun to both try out new recipes, while also posting them for those of you who enjoy using alcohol in a fun and yummy way to try as well.

Well, I’m going to start sorting through all the crap I have and get my files moved on to this computer which is going to be a daunting and tiresome task; though I’m sure once I’m done I’ll be thrilled, but still it’s not on my top list of things to be doing right now, but as Jenn from Jenn.nu says, work before play!

Mirrored from The QUEEN B {dot} NET.

May 2010

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